Bowel Movement
I know this sounds like a horrible topic but the whole idea behind this blog is for me to speak my mind without having to worry about offending anyone. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read it.
Anyway, my body seems to have developed a schedule. It seems that everyday at around 9AM, I have a bowel movement. (For those of you who don't know what a bowel movement is, it means taking a crap.) Normally when I am at home, I enjoy my time on the toilet. I'll take my laptop into the bathroom and take my time doing my business. I'll surf to my favorite websites and read a few articles. (The internet is killing the newspaper. If it hasn't already.) But since this schedule has started, most everyday at 9AM, I am at the office. I hate using public toilets.
There are lots of disadvantages to using a public toilet.
1: Privacy
I like to be in my own home when I take a crap. I want to relax and take my time and the only farts that I want to smell are my own. In a public toilet, you don't get that luxury. I don't need people peeking through the cracks to see if there is someone in the stall either. Let me do what I came there to do in peace.
2. Cleaness
Thankfully the toilets are work are kept very clean but that isn't the case in every public toilet. If I have to poop in a dirty toilet, I will go with the pooping standing up method. I'll avoid making physical contact with my skin on anything. I'll push open doors with my foot. Sqwat over the toilet without actually sitting on it (great workout for the quads). And I'll use my elbow to turn on and off the faucet. If it's really nasty, I just won't go in there if i can hold it.
3. Proper Facilities
I always check if there is adequate toilet paper before beginning. I have made the mistake of pooping in a toilet that doesn't have any toilet paper and having to improvise and it's not fun. Let's just say that seat covers, the paper towels that are used to dry your hands, and even my sock have been considered in that type of situation.
4. What You Leave Behind
I am sure it's happened to everyone. You finish and flush and look back and it's still there. You don't want to leave a piece of crap floating in there for the next person so you flush it again. This is what we call the floater. Sometimes they can be really stubborn. The floater just refuses to die and always manages to keep from getting flushed. If you're persistent enough and are willing to waste gallons of water, eventually you can get it to go down.
Then there are the big ones that don't necessarily float but are so big that the toilet can't take it in one flush or they are positioned in such a way that they don't line up with the hole to go down smoothely. You either have to use multiple flushes and watch it break from the pressure of the water and go down or use some ingenuity to get it positioned right. I usually go with the multi flush method but if that proves unfruitful, I'll take a lot of TP and roll it into a stick of sorts and use that to move it into a good flushing position. You gotta do this fast because the toilet water will quickly soak up the TP still it comes near your hand and you don't want toilet water on your hands. It's bad enough that you are poking your poop.
The last thing is the skid mark. These I don't really care about too much. If the poop as it slides out leaves a trail on the bowl, an extra flush usually takes care of that. If I'm in a hurry, I won't bother.
Anyway, my body seems to have developed a schedule. It seems that everyday at around 9AM, I have a bowel movement. (For those of you who don't know what a bowel movement is, it means taking a crap.) Normally when I am at home, I enjoy my time on the toilet. I'll take my laptop into the bathroom and take my time doing my business. I'll surf to my favorite websites and read a few articles. (The internet is killing the newspaper. If it hasn't already.) But since this schedule has started, most everyday at 9AM, I am at the office. I hate using public toilets.
There are lots of disadvantages to using a public toilet.
1: Privacy
I like to be in my own home when I take a crap. I want to relax and take my time and the only farts that I want to smell are my own. In a public toilet, you don't get that luxury. I don't need people peeking through the cracks to see if there is someone in the stall either. Let me do what I came there to do in peace.
2. Cleaness
Thankfully the toilets are work are kept very clean but that isn't the case in every public toilet. If I have to poop in a dirty toilet, I will go with the pooping standing up method. I'll avoid making physical contact with my skin on anything. I'll push open doors with my foot. Sqwat over the toilet without actually sitting on it (great workout for the quads). And I'll use my elbow to turn on and off the faucet. If it's really nasty, I just won't go in there if i can hold it.
3. Proper Facilities
I always check if there is adequate toilet paper before beginning. I have made the mistake of pooping in a toilet that doesn't have any toilet paper and having to improvise and it's not fun. Let's just say that seat covers, the paper towels that are used to dry your hands, and even my sock have been considered in that type of situation.
4. What You Leave Behind
I am sure it's happened to everyone. You finish and flush and look back and it's still there. You don't want to leave a piece of crap floating in there for the next person so you flush it again. This is what we call the floater. Sometimes they can be really stubborn. The floater just refuses to die and always manages to keep from getting flushed. If you're persistent enough and are willing to waste gallons of water, eventually you can get it to go down.
Then there are the big ones that don't necessarily float but are so big that the toilet can't take it in one flush or they are positioned in such a way that they don't line up with the hole to go down smoothely. You either have to use multiple flushes and watch it break from the pressure of the water and go down or use some ingenuity to get it positioned right. I usually go with the multi flush method but if that proves unfruitful, I'll take a lot of TP and roll it into a stick of sorts and use that to move it into a good flushing position. You gotta do this fast because the toilet water will quickly soak up the TP still it comes near your hand and you don't want toilet water on your hands. It's bad enough that you are poking your poop.
The last thing is the skid mark. These I don't really care about too much. If the poop as it slides out leaves a trail on the bowl, an extra flush usually takes care of that. If I'm in a hurry, I won't bother.
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